by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT on March 28, 2020 at 11:22 pm
Something really interesting happens when you’re forced to slow down. One thing, you get creative. Boredom can also stoke creativity. As the new social distancing way of life rolls into the third week, I’m noticing myself doing things differently as I move around in my home. The pressure to be anywhere isn’t there. I’m taking
It’s Time to Talk About the Grief
by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT on March 27, 2020 at 7:03 pm
It’s time to talk about an uncomfortable topic. Grief. Grief is so uncomfortable that many struggle to know what to say to someone experiencing the grief of a sudden, soul-crushing loss. Grief can also sneak up on you. The unfolding coronavirus pandemic is a set-up for this as people can initially be more aware of
An Open Letter to My Readers
by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT on March 21, 2020 at 12:27 am
Dear LoveAndLifeToolbox.com Readers ❤️, These are challenging times. Most of you have had to redefine what’s “normal” as we practice social isolation to do our part to avoid the spread of COVID-19 / novel coronavirus. Some of you are home with your partners and kids, challenged to be teachers as your children continue their schooling
Social Distancing: How to Keep Connected and Upbeat
by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT on March 18, 2020 at 6:14 pm
(This page is regularly updated with revised content, additional tips/resources.) March 24, 2020 In a time when “social distancing” to “flatten the curve” has literally hijacked life as we used to know it, it’s critical for our overall health (physical, emotional and relational) to stay upbeat whenever possible for what could be a long haul.
How to Stay Calm When Things Are Not Calm
by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT on March 7, 2020 at 5:37 pm
At this point more people across the country are being ordered to shelter in place to try to reduce coronavirus transmission and “flatten the curve” to decrease the anticipated impact on the health of our many of our citizens. The vast majority of us are searching for new normals. Those with school aged kids at
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Could Being Unconsciously Passive-Aggressive be Ruining Your Relationships?
by Rachel on March 23, 2020 at 11:53 am
Being “passive-aggressive” is a buzz phrase that’s grown in popularity over the past year or two. But is there more to it than a clenched jaw or unexpressed outburst? The Oxford Dictionary defines passive-aggressive as “a type of behavior or personality characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct The post Could Being Unconsciously Passive-Aggressive be Ruining Your Relationships? appeared first on MacLynn.
Maclynn International’s Statement on Coronavirus
by Rachel on March 16, 2020 at 5:47 pm
The team at Vida (trading as Maclynn International) are committed to the wellbeing of our members and staff. We take pride in delivering an exceptional level of customer service and tailoring membership to meet the individual needs of each client. In line with our values we will offer as much flexibility as possible to include The post Maclynn International’s Statement on Coronavirus appeared first on MacLynn.
Nothing Can Stop Love
by Lexi DeMinico on March 13, 2020 at 11:36 am
COVID-19 seems to be literally the only thing anyone can talk about. Everyone from medical experts to your next-door neighbor is weighing in on the significant impact this virus has had on our health, economy, education, and even recreation- but what about the impact it’s having on love and our romantic relationships? If you’re single The post Nothing Can Stop Love appeared first on MacLynn.
How to Truly Move on From a Past Love
by Gina Yannotta on March 12, 2020 at 2:19 pm
As a matchmaker, I meet people who are stuck in grief, holding onto the misery of a past break up. That pain is real. Indeed, brain imaging has shown that the part of your brain that lights up when struck on the skin with a hot object is the same part that ignites when you’re The post How to Truly Move on From a Past Love appeared first on MacLynn.
What is a Platonic Relationship, Are they Healthy and Can they Be Sustained?
by Rachel on March 10, 2020 at 3:50 pm
The platonic relationship meaning has changed over time and has been known to raise a few question marks over relationships, especially in male/female platonic relationships. Knowing what a platonic relationship is and how to sustain it can sometimes be the difference between a long-lasting and healthy platonic relationship and losing a friend. What is a The post What is a Platonic Relationship, Are they Healthy and Can they Be Sustained? appeared first on MacLynn.
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Can a Woman be Too Demanding in a Loving FLR?
by Te-Erika Patterson on March 19, 2020 at 11:54 pm
After more than a decade of being single I met a man and I felt it was a good idea to give a relationship with him a try. He was very considerate, thoughtful and tried his best to please me. I was shell shocked, honestly. I thought this type of behavior was reserved for women+ Read More The post Can a Woman be Too Demanding in a Loving FLR? appeared first on Loving FLR.
Am I in a FLR Right Now?
by Te-Erika Patterson on March 15, 2020 at 8:31 pm
I study relationships like most people study their favorite sports team or hobby. I have spent the last decade studying Marriage/Family therapy in grad school and eventually moving into defining the relationship style that we now know as Loving FLR by writing 5 books, creating videos and online education programs. I have interviewed or surveyed+ Read More The post Am I in a FLR Right Now? appeared first on Loving FLR.
FLR Myth #1 – FLRs are Created Instantly
by Te-Erika Patterson on March 13, 2020 at 11:56 pm
I once met a woman through this Loving FLR platform who complained that the men she met on dating apps who professed to want a FLR were actually insincere. As I chatted with her I learned that her idea of a FLR centered around obedience to her desires. She was extremely angry that she could+ Read More The post FLR Myth #1 – FLRs are Created Instantly appeared first on Loving FLR.
I Fell In Love During the FLR Soulmate 30 Day Challenge
by Te-Erika Patterson on January 22, 2020 at 8:02 am
I can’t believe I am writing this but it’s real. I am Te-Erika Patterson, the Publisher of LovingFLR.Com and I began studying FLRs back in 2014 as a joke. I heard about the concept of Female Led Relationships through my time studying in the BD.SM Community. At the time I was frustrated by my relationships+ Read More The post I Fell In Love During the FLR Soulmate 30 Day Challenge appeared first on Loving FLR.
FLR School Is Now Open For Registration
by Te-Erika Patterson on December 26, 2019 at 12:54 am
Many readers have asked for a way to meet other FLR enthusiasts from around the world to discuss FLR themes in real time. Loving FLR has delivered. The very first FLR School is now open for registration. When you join the FLR School you get: 8 WEEKLY LIVE interactive web classesLive virtual GROUP DISCUSSIONS every+ Read More The post FLR School Is Now Open For Registration appeared first on Loving FLR.
Make Him Worship You
on July 9, 2019 at 10:09 am
Learn about the pressures men feel, and use this to build better relationships
How To Get A Man To Respect You
on July 2, 2019 at 10:09 am
You can't force him to respect you; but by understanding how men think you can make him choose to respect you.
Why Committed Men Lose Interest - The ONLY 3 Reasons
on June 27, 2019 at 10:00 am
Does he stay or go? The only 3 factors that matter
The #1 thing missing in modern relationships
on June 20, 2019 at 10:09 am
Modern men are ashamed. Because you don't...
He's Losing Interest; What Can I Do?
on May 27, 2019 at 10:09 am
Discover the psychological factors that will keep him committed to you and the relationship.
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9 ways to say “I love you” with your time
by Guest on October 27, 2019 at 6:30 pm
It’s the little things that make a relationship special–things like holding hands, catching the scent of your partner, getting close with a massage, and attending family functions together. Long term, these are super important when it comes to making a ... Read More
20 Inspiring Relationship Quotes to Cheer You up When Your LDR Gets Tough
by Lisa McKay on August 28, 2019 at 2:36 am
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, but that doesn’t mean that being in a long-distance relationship is easy. Couples must make date nights, quality time, and communication a priority even when they aren’t in the same city, which can be ... Read More
How To Create A Romantic Atmosphere In A Room For Your Long Distance Reunion
by Guest on July 18, 2019 at 3:10 am
It’s finally here. You’ve set the date for when your long distance significant other will finally pay you a visit! Time to start planning what you two will be up to. Chances are, you will wind up at your place. ... Read More
25 Questions That Can Make You Laugh Until You Cry
by Guest on July 3, 2019 at 1:39 am
A huge concern for people who are in a long distance relationship is running out of things to talk about! Sometimes it feels as if you’ve already shared every small detail about your lives or your day, and the well ... Read More
How to Stay Connected At A Distance? What You Do On Your Own is More Important Than You Think
by Guest on June 18, 2019 at 4:24 am
By: Jennifer Belus. Jennifer has a PhD in Clinical Psychology and works as a researcher at the University of Maryland. Her research is focused on developing interventions to help couples overcome mental and physical health problems and relationship challenges. She ... Read More
Do You Feel Cursed in Love? Why you still don’t have the relationship you want
by jessmccann on March 11, 2020 at 8:24 am
Ashlee is one of those women who can walk into a room and make every head turn. She is a tall, slender brunette with blue eyes and a wide smile. But good looks aren’t Ashlee’s only attractive attribute; she is also smart, well-traveled, and outgoing. But Ashlee has never had a satisfying romantic relationship. She’s had numerous boyfriends—in fact, she’s rarely single for long—but their interest in her lasts only a few months. She eventually receives a break-up text or is ghosted without any warning. Ashlee cannot understand why she is unable to hold someone’s interest and is beginning to … Continue reading →
Four Phrases That Can Save Your Relationship
by jessmccann on March 9, 2020 at 4:42 pm
Things aren't good. In fact, they are really, really bad between you two. The love and companionship you once had seems like a thing of the past and now your days are filled with arguments, tears, and misunderstandings. Maybe you've tried for so long that you are almost ready to give up, or perhaps you are afraid that the one you love might give up on you. What I know is that most couples who want to stay together make a consorted effort to do so, however, the things they try are usually ineffective. Since communication is key to any healthy, happy relationship, most end up failing not due to lack of love but lack of understanding, empathy, and appreciation. And it's not necessarily because we don't possess those things, but because we don't effectively communicate them to each other. I've compiled a list of the 5 most important phrases that can turn around even the most broken of relationships. 1. How Can I Help? When is the last time you said these words to your partner? Maybe you've been so caught up in having him or her do things for you that you haven't thought about what you can do for them. This phrase is especially helpful if you use it at the very time you feel yourself about to get into yet another argument because your boy/girlfriend is in a bad mood and taking it out on you. Imagine that he comes home from a long day, doesn't greet you with open arms, and immediately jumps down your throat for something trivial because he's just had it with crappy job, shitty boss, or anything that is unrelated to you. You could get your panties in a bunch, defend yourself and retort with some snide come back, or you can recognize that his bad attitude is actually a cry for help. 2. What Would You Like Me To Do or Say? Said honestly and not sarcastically, this statement can save you a ton of time and frustration. Most of the time we think we are hearing people accurately (when we are not) and then we decide on what action to take based on that inaccurate assessment (which ends up doing nothing for them.) To get to the point, and start making positive changes right away, just ask your partner what they need from you instead of guessing. 3. You're Right. I find this phrase is more effective than the ever-popular "I'm Sorry." It may be because "I'm sorry" is over-used, or sometimes said half-heartedly, but "You're Right" hardly ever goes wrong. The key with these two words is, again, in timing. When your partner is telling you how they feel, citing places where you could improve, don't jump to point your finger back at them and start listing examples of where they, too, could improve. Instead just sit there, listen, and say, "Your Right." This is usually so disarming that it stuns the other person into softening up immediately. Then, you can have your turn to vent your frustrations. 4. I appreciate that you... This one speaks for itself. It's been said by numerous experts that the number one reason people leave relationships or cheat on their spouses is lack of appreciation, not lack of love. So how important do you think it is to actually say the words, "I appreciate"? Yeah, pretty important. It doesn't matter what it is that you appreciate either... emptying the dishwasher, sending a sweet text, remembering an important date, whatever it is, just tell the one you love that you appreciate their efforts. For more of my advice blogs click here to load. To check out my books on Amazon, click here. Continue reading →
What Every Girl Should Know About Hooking Up….
by jessmccann on March 7, 2020 at 8:42 am
This blog is an oldie but a goodie! I last posted it in 2009, so for anyone who hasn't read it yet, enjoy! Your are out with your friends enjoying a few drinks on a beautiful night. Your phone vibrates. You have one new text message. You pick it up and see that it's Sam, a guy you met three weeks ago and hooked up with because you were really wasted. He's a nice guy, but ever since that night, he's been pseudo-stalking you. You've been cordial, answering some of his texts and calls, mostly because you like the attention, but he's just not the one for you. You tell your friends at the table, "It's Sam the stalker again. He is out in DC and wants to know where I am." There's a round of snickers and laughs. Someone tells you to be nice to the poor guy and tell him where you are. You never know, he might have cute friends, she says. You take a sip of your margarita and say, "Let's see how the night goes. If we don't find any cute guys here, I will tell him to come by." Two hours and two rounds later, no one at the table has seen anyone cute. You are almost forced by one of your oversexed friends to call Sam and bring his entourage over. By now you have a good buzz going and figure, why not. He'll buy you your next round and tell you how hot you are. So you text Sam and tell him where you are in Arlington. You laugh to yourself because you don't even have to extend an invitation. You know very well that he's going to say by some strange coincidence that he's at the bar next door and will just swing by. Fifteen minutes later, Sam, his best friend, and his roommate stroll into bar. People are introduced, shots are ordered, and the night officially begins. Sam is all over you and the more you drink, the more you like it. By the end of the night, you and Sam are stumbling back to your place. You guys make out all over your apartment and for some reason it's really great. Maybe it's because you've been going through a dry spell, but whatever the reason, you are into it. You continue to make out with Sam and the more you kiss him, the more you like him. How could you have disregarded him before? Maybe he's not as bad as you initially thought. And then you wake up the next day completely sober and realize you had on major margarita glasses. Sam is lying in your bed, snoring like a sabertooth tiger, drooling on your favorite pillow. You are annoyed like crazy. How long is going to be here, you wonder? He finally wakes up, smiling like a cheshire cat, and pats the space next to him, indicating he wants you to lie back down. You'd rather shoot yourself than cuddle with Sam so you make up an excuse about having to run into work that morning. Disappointed, Sam reluctantly and slowly, gets out of your bed. You throw his pants at him and watch him stumble to get dressed, knocking over your alarm clock and family photo in the process. He apologizes and then asks if you have time to grab some breakfast. Ah, sorry no. You really don't. Some other time maybe. Sam picks up on your unintentional invitation to do this again, and says, "Ok, when? Do you want to meet up later tonight?" At this point you just want him out of your apartment so you tell him to call you later and you will see about getting together. He finally leaves after you pretend to walk to your car. You get back to your apartment and collapse on the couch. You eventually drift off to sleep but not before labeling Sam's number DO NOT ANSWER into your cell phone. I know you can all related to this story. We have all had guys we just aren't into, chase after us relentlessly. We've all caved and been nice to them, even hooked up with them once or twice. We've kept them on the back burner in cases of emergency and extreme boredom. But guess what? This story is not what you think. You've just entered the Twilight Zone. You were not out with your girlfriends having margaritas last night. You were in DC, hanging out with your best friend and her roommate, hoping to hear from the guy you met three weeks ago and had a hot hook up with. A hook up you have not been able to stop thinking about. That's right, in this scenario, YOU are Sam. You were the one who texted him to find out where he was. You were elated when he told you he was at the Eventide rooftop in Arlington. You rushed over and played it off as if you at the bar next door. You met up with him and his friends, had some drinks and ended up back at his place, where at some point in the night you fell completely in love. You woke up in his bed filled with excitement. You are certain he likes you now. He wanted to go to breakfast, but a work emergency took priority. Totally understandable. You like him even more because he's ambitious. He told you to call him later and you guys would meet up again that night. Maybe you saw this switch-a-roo coming from a mile away. Maybe my Twilight Zone blog was totally predictable. I really don't know. What I do know is this. There are lots of girls out there that string along men that they aren't interested in. They hook up with them when it's convenient, call when they are lonely, and essentially use them when they want to. Those same women often come crying to me when a man does the same thing to them. These girls bounce back and forth between men that like them but have no interest in, and men that they like but can't pin down. Ironically, these women cannot see the writing on the wall when a man is only with them out of convenience. They make up excuses for sporadic behavior. If he doesn't call for a week, but then suddenly texts while he's out on a Friday night, they believe it means he's suddenly come around! He was just busy all week with his stressful work schedule. The truth is that guys will use you in the same way you use them. In order to find love and happiness you must stop the cycle of use. It's the most anti-love action possible. How is it fair that you waste that nice boy's time but then fall to pieces when another guy does it to you? The Universe will absolutely bring you what you deserve and if it knows you are only hanging out with someone because you are lonely, it will not blink at handing you the same scenario. Don't waste your time on men that are not interested in you and don't waste someone else's time either. Getting involved with men who make you chase them can do a terrible number on your self-esteem. Unbalanced and unloving relationships chip away at your heart and by the time you find a guy that really likes you, you don't know how to act. You don't know how to really be in a healthy relationship because, thus far, in your past there has only been use. If you don't like someone, don't waste their time. And if a guy doesn't seem crazy about you, do yourself a big favor and just move on to someone who is. What you put out to the world is what you will get back. Be kind and loving to men and they will be kind and loving to you. Continue on to additional ADVICE BLOGS HERE. Continue reading →
Should I text him? How long should I wait if he took a week to contact me?
by jessmccann on March 5, 2020 at 3:07 pm
Dear Jess, Last week I gave a guy my number. It took him six days to contact me, but he finally sent me a text. How long do I have to wait to respond to him? I’m a fan of applying old-school rules to new technology, so the first time a guy reaches out to you, you should wait at least twenty-four hours to respond. It does not matter if he texts, calls, e-mails, or instant messages. Whatever mode of communication he chooses still warrants the same reply time. Having difficulty with that? Think of it this way: Ever since you gave him your number six days ago, you’ve been staring at your phone, recapping the night you met him, second guessing his interest, and undoubtedly doubting yourself, what has he been doing? Going to the gym, seeing his friends, and, oh yeah, not calling you. As you’ve been sitting there in a quiet panic, wondering if you were going to hear from him, he’s been living life worry free. Now that he’s called you, it’s his turn to wait and stress a little. However, if you call or text him back immediately, that won’t happen. If he actually calls you, do not pick up. Let your voice mail handle things for now and return his call the following day. This isn’t revenge for making you wait—it’s just rebalancing for the greater good of your future relationship. After you text him back the first time, you are going to have to vary your response tactics. If you religiously wait exactly twenty- four hours each time, he will eventually pick up on your pattern and think you are playing a game. It’s always a good idea to let time pass before you reciprocate a call or text, but if you want to remain a mystery and keep the chase going, the key is to be unpredictable. Text back immediately some of the time but then wait a few hours or a whole day the next. Keep him on his toes by being unpredictable when it comes to your return texts and calls. What If He Calls and Doesn’t Leave a Message? Dear Jess, Update! He just called! But for some reason he didn’t leave a message. Can I call him back? If you want a guy to know that you have been sitting by the phone eagerly awaiting his call, then by all means, go right ahead and call him back. But consider this first: How do you know that he really meant to call you and this wasn’t just an accidental pocket dial? How embarrassed will you be if you call him and he says that he didn’t really intend to call you? Then all that self-restraint you’ve been exercising will be for nothing. He’ll think, “Wow, I pocket- dialed her and she got so excited she called me!” For argument sake, let’s say he did purposefully call you and did not leave a voice mail; if you call him back, you will be setting a precedent that he doesn’t ever have to leave you a message. While you may not care about that right now because you are so elated to hear from him, you will care after it happens for the tenth or fifteenth time. He will learn that he can do the bare minimum, and you will still jump to his attention. In essence, you are positively reinforcing bad manners and unconsciously telling him that you aren’t worthy of being properly pursued. One of my clients constantly struggled with her phone etiquette, too. She would always Continue reading →
Why You Haven’t Found Your Person: Your Unconscious (and Toxic) Dating Pattern
by jessmccann on March 4, 2020 at 6:18 pm
"I haven't had a boyfriend in years. Everyone around me is getting engaged. I can't believe I'm this old and still single!" Have you ever uttered these words? Maybe to a friend? Maybe to yourself? Have you sat there smiling at a girlfriends' bridal shower only to secretly be thinking, "Why isn't that me?" Are you feeling so frustrated by the lack of love in your life that you are almost ready to give up the dream of ever finding it? If any of this sounds like you, rest assured you are not alone. There are millions of females that feel just as you do, and are struggling just as you are. Like you, they want to find their person in life, and are totally unsure as to why they haven't yet. It wasn't this hard for your parents, so why is so hard for you? Is it just today's culture? Are you looking in the wrong places? Dating the wrong guys? Saying the wrong things? Whatever it is, you haven't figured it out, so you don't even know how to fix it. Recently I received an email through my website that summed up all the dating woes that women seem to be feeling these days. It said, "Dear Jess. I'm so over dating I could just cry. I have joined every dating site, gone to every meetup group, and forced myself to be as friendly and engaging as possible. In the end, I may get a few dates, but they never amount to anything. It's like the whole world has "gone casush" (short for gone casual) and no one wants a traditional relationship anymore. Is it really that things have changed so much, or is it me that's causing these disastrous dating results?" The answer is that yes, things have changed, but things have always been changing. Women used to get married by arrangement, and dates only took place with chaperones. That's no longer the case, of course. Yes, times change, but honestly, love hasn't. It's out there and guys do want it, too. The problem I see for most girls and young women is that they have an unknown, toxic dating pattern that has them perpetually yielding the same results with guys over and over again. In fact, I've seen these undiscovered patterns pop up so much over the last ten years that after only speaking to someone for about an hour, I can usually indentify which one they have. In all, there are five, and some of the ramifications are as follows: * The guys you like never like you back as much * You get angry or frustrated with the guys you date fairly often * You are alone (because you are pickier than most people) * You feel like it's just a matter of time before your relationship fails * You feel jealous of other people's relationships * You can't let go of a person or experience you've had in the past which has made you untrusting and jaded * You incessantly replay your conversations with people * You're always wondering where the relationship is going and then it doesn't go anywhere * You constantly compare yourself to other women and often feel like you are in competition with them * You think if you were prettier/smarter/thinner you would probably be in a relationship * You like things a very certain way to the point of perfectionism * You need constant reassurance that someone likes you If you can identify with any of the above listed items, it's highly likely you have one of the 5 patterns that I'm speaking of. Now is the time to figure out what yours is specifically and correct it. I'm now offering coaching packages of 3 or 5 sessions either over the phone or through email. Send me an email at email@example.com and ask for pricing (I promise, it's worth it.) To check out more of my advice blogs, click here. Other Popular Blogs: Why He Chose Her Over You? Are You Likely To End Up Alone? He Hasn't Texted Me Back! What Do I Do? Continue reading →
I (22F) get jealous over my boyfriends (24M) relationship with his mum (50sF). Want help getting over this
by /u/happiiisoul on March 30, 2020 at 5:37 am
Hi reddit! I’ve been with my boyfriend almost 3 years now. Our relationship is, for the most part, pretty darn good. We value similar things, have similar hobbies, interests, tastes in music, balance each other quite well, and just in general have a lot of fun together. My boyfriend is incredibly loving, affectionate, hard-working, trustworthy, understanding, he really is the perfect guy for me. But I just can’t get over his frickin mum!!! My boyfriends mum is a really pretty woman who definitely knows it. She is definitely the leader of the family and has tight control over nearly every decision her family makes. Her and my boyfriend are really close, often going out together once a week at least, and when they are not together she texts him and snapchats him frequently. She has a strong hold on his opinions, like when we went shopping for new carpets for his apartment and boyfriend insisted that she come, and it was pretty clear that he valued her opinion of the carpets over mine (despite the fact that I’m at his apartment much more than she is). Also at times when the 3 of us are together he usually puts more focus on her throughout conversations and such. I feel like I’m thirdwheeling them sometimes. His mum is really judgemental but for the most part seems to like me. I’ve never expressed to her or my boyfriend my feelings of jealousy and sort of annoyance towards his mum and I do a pretty good job of hiding it in front of her, but it’s gotten to the point where I have a hard time of hiding it in front of my boyfriend. When she constantly texts him while we’re together I get pretty obviously annoyed. And whenever he mentions all the time that they spend together I also get annoyed. He also constantly praises her and talks about how great she is despite some pretty nasty things that she does. He thinks sooo highly of her which in part I understand because she’s his mum but it annoys me. I don’t really know what to do about this because apart from this our relationship is pretty special and I don’t want to sabotage what we have because of my dislike and jealousy towards his mum. I hope this post doesn’t make me sound like a complete dick either because I recognize this behaviour is not good and I want to try and change it. Thanks in advance!! [TLDR; my boyfriend and his mum are really close and it annoys me and makes me jealous. I want to get over it so that I don’t sabotage this lovely relationship that I’m in.] submitted by /u/happiiisoul [link] [comments]
I (29F) am finding it hard to make friends. And have for years. What am I doing wrong?
by /u/Iron_in_velvet on March 30, 2020 at 5:28 am
I didn’t have trouble making friends in high school. I was overweight and pretty nerdy, yet I drew people in with my personality. People found me funny and endearing and protective. After high school I gained an interest in fitness and I lost an incredible amount of weight. With this new found confidence I discovered an interest in makeup and fashion. But I all of a sudden lost friends. They claimed I had become narcissistic and vain. I’ve lost count of the amount of jabs that were thrown my way from people that I had come to love so much. Things like ‘your body would be perfect if you had bigger boobs’ or ‘well you still have fat legs so.’ It was so venomous and shocking. I sought advice from siblings/family I had known all my life, asking if I had indeed changed for the worse, and they assured me that I was the Same person as prior. I do find it easier to make friends with quite attractive women. Model like level and what people would probably see as superficial (theyre actually not, they’ve been incredibly lovely in experience). A few have IG model notoriety. Yet it was difficult to maintain the friendships as my interests are still quite different. And I would bore them after some time. They were sweet lovely women and also smart, we just didn’t coincide in areas of interest and so we drifted as life progressed. My issue now is that I’m a mother of 2 and I still can’t find good deep friendships. I reach out and arrange play dates and then never hear from them again. Or I have set up a catch up, only for them to show up with one of their friends for support :/ It’s bought me to tears a few times, confiding in my sister who says that my looks intimidate and make people feel inadequate and just see me as a threat. I honestly Hate that reason as it sounds so ridiculous. I assume there is especially something wrong with me as a person. I recently joined a mother’s group and it’s been incredibly difficult breaking in as the women tend to give me the cold shoulder. They even avoid eye contact. I wouldn’t say I’m socially awkward as I think I’m ok in that area...What could I be doing wrong? Tl;dr I find it really hard to make friendships with other women. What could I be doing wrong? submitted by /u/Iron_in_velvet [link] [comments]
I (19 F), fear that my boyfriend (21 M) and I should not be together, but am I just overthinking?
by /u/yellowxmellow on March 30, 2020 at 4:13 am
My boyfriend and I have been together since November 2018. However, we took a break back in January of this year, but decided to get back together a week later. This was a mistake, as he turned 21 a week later and I decided to break up with him on his birthday, which is a long story I’d rather not type out. We spent this time broken up, trying to figure out what was best for us. He is casual friends with my brothers friends, so I knew I’d hear his name a lot. It was tough because not talking to him and keeping in contact with him was hard, but texting him was very hard at the same time. It was a rough few weeks and I wasn’t feeling any better, so I decided to go on a date from a dating website. I did this and we hit it off really well and I felt much better than I had in weeks. I had a confidence and self love in myself that was missing for a while because I always let my head go to negative places. I felt guilty about it until I found out that my boyfriend had gone on a date as well. The next day, I met with my boyfriend as a friend at the time because he was going through the anniversary or the death of his nephew. So I met him at the cemetery and helped him through it and then we talked after. Basically he told me he wanted me back and he missed me and all of that. Part of me was not pleased that I agreed to it because I wanted to see where things would go with the new guy. But I decided to stick to comfort and go back with my boyfriend. It has almost been a month now since we have been back together. I have been staying at home and not working because of the virus, so I have a lot of time to think. We also have not seen each in some time now because of social distancing, so i have been feeling pretty lonely. We only text and Snapchat, he isn’t big on FaceTime so I don’t even bother trying to get him to do it. He is also still working in construction so I don’t think he is feeling as lonely as I am since he has human interaction with people outside of his family. I’m not big on texting him because he is an awful texter, I feel like I’m talking to a robot. On top of this, my head is going to bad places, stressing about the fact that I’m nowhere to be found on his social media so he basically looks single to anyone who he follows or snapchats. I have trust issues from past relationships, but I feel like this is a valid thing to be worried about. I wonder if my head is getting in the way of how good we could be together, but on the other hand I feel as if he isn’t putting in much effort? I truly just need an outsiders view on this relationship and if it is doomed or if it could be something great. I love him but sometimes love isn’t enough. TLDR: boyfriend and I took a short break but are back together now. I feel as if things are back to the old ways. Him never wanting to FaceTime, not putting in any effort in conversations, not being flirty unless I initiate it. Also has never posted about me in the whole time we have been together. Am I overthinking or are we not good for each other? submitted by /u/yellowxmellow [link] [comments]
Nobody understands, even myself?
by /u/kovkev on March 30, 2020 at 4:02 am
Hi, I love a great girl. She's the best. I'm a 24yo male, she's a 24yo female. We've been dating for 2 years and a couple months. We broke up one day in February. I went dating the next week. I didn't want to start a new committed relationship. Is that okay? When she messaged me again, I was happy that we were getting back together. I said though, that I want us to be able to meet people. Not because I want to start a relationship with someone else, but because I want to go out on dates. We are long distance, it's difficult. (we did agree to no sex with those other people. Initially I was not against it, when we were separated, but it is fine for me not to. I did say it would be good to possibly cuddle, say if watching a movie). But I know I want to be with her, I think about her all the time, and I want what is best for her. I want to live with her, and have a future with her. I want to spend time with her. We see eachother every month, except for now, with this pandemic. She went to see people and she sees someone. I don't have a problem with this. I am happy she is enjoying her time. She asked me not to go on a third date with a girl. I wanted to tell the girl in person that I don't want to have a committed relationship with her. I didn't think about mentioning I have a girlfriend or not. My girlfriend found her account and told her herself. I don't mind. Also, I have to mention I did cuddle with someone and kiss them. I think cuddling is fine, but the kissing was not right. She is having a hard time these days and is remembering what happened. I don't want to be in a committed relationship with other people, other than this great, best girl. Seems like she is losing trust in me. Seems like she thinks I'll go meet women and I think she's worried I'll fall in love with them. I know that I want the best girl in the world, not anyone else. I understand her worry. I wish it wasn't like this. I asked two people (a married couple) and they said it sounds like we are not in a committed relationship with this girl. Is it odd if I am fine with my girlfriend spending time with other people, and enjoy her time? Do you have any ideas on what am I seeing oddly? kovkev TL;DR: I spent some time with other girls, and my girlfriend is losing trust in me. I don't think it's a problem that I spend time with them. I cuddled, and also kissed but that was just not right. EDIT: I did forget to mention. When we live together, I am not interested in going on dates with other people. submitted by /u/kovkev [link] [comments]
NSFW I feel embarrassed when receiving oral because my friend told me my labia was disgusting
by /u/shrumkat on March 30, 2020 at 3:54 am
Hi I’m kat and I’m 19F and I’m dating this guy, let’s call him A, who is 22M. We’ve almost been together for a year and while there have been a few bumps in the road we’re in a somewhat good place. One of these bumps is related to sex, he has only ever gone down on me twice. Both of these times were at the beginning of the relationship and then sometime during the 3 month mark he got a wisdom tooth infection and he says he doesn’t want it to get infected again, so no more giving oral. I have continued giving oral because I don’t think sex should be tit for tat and also I enjoy my partners reaction. I know that I am hygienic down there because my ex had absolutely no issues with any sorts of odour or anything. So obviously this took a toll on how I felt about myself. Then one day my best friend and I, who is also coincidentally called kat, were looking at plastic surgery before and after pics and we started looking at labioplasty. Now my labia is somewhat longer than average and looked like some of the before pictures (but it doesn’t physically bother me so I’ve never been SUPER self conscious about it). My friend starts going off about how DISGUSTING and REVOLTING those labias looked, how she would rather die than look like that, and how she never wanted to get old (I guess she attributes longer labia to age?). Now at the time I felt super embarrassed and just kinda went along with it but it kinda stuck with me. I was really hurt but a few months later I asked my bf to go down on me after confessing everything that happened over text. He was super supportive and I thought everything would be fine. But he never followed through, until yesterday (another couple months later). Unfortunately by now I’m just so in my head about everything I couldn’t go through with it and told him I wasn’t comfortable with it. He said ‘you’re the boss’ and we left it at that. I want advice on how to get over this, and not let it hold me back. I worry by me rejecting his first attempt in 9 months will ensure he‘ll never try again. What should I do? TLDR: friend told my my labia was disgusting plus my boyfriend hasn’t gone down on me in 9 months makes me super self conscious about my body and I can’t even accept oral anymore submitted by /u/shrumkat [link] [comments]
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