Relationships

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  • Find the Good News
    by Rick Hanson, PhD on August 11, 2020 at 6:55 pm

    For those who feel swamped with bad news.  Rick Hanson, PhD discusses the brain’s negativity bias and the importance of being able to recognize the positive things too. Why find the good news? “Tell the truth.” It’s the foundation of science – and the foundation of healthy relationships, communities, and countries. But the truth of

  • From Pain to Empowerment: Rethinking Mental Health
    by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT on July 27, 2020 at 11:13 pm

    I recently was invited to partner with Samantha Foster, President of the nonprofit organzation, Rethink Mental Health Incorporated.  She was looking for mental health advocates to help support her in her mission to encourage those struggling emotionally to talk about it and reach out for help.  Samantha hopes everyone will “rethink” the stigma associated with

  • Now is the Time to Strengthen Your Marriage, Here are 14 Ways
    by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT on July 19, 2020 at 11:01 pm

    This is a very hard time; our emotional health and physical well-being are being challenged in pandemic life.  We are trying to figure out how to be safe, care for our children and for many, assure even basic survival needs are met like income to pay for food and shelter. Marriage and long term relationships

  • Roadblocks to Forgiveness in Relationships
    by Richard Nicastro, PhD on July 6, 2020 at 6:07 pm

    Richard Nicastro, Phd, takes a closer look at some of the obstacles to forgiveness in intimate relationships.   Imagine this scenario: Your spouse/partner has wounded you in some way. S/he has now expressed what feels like genuine remorse to you. Maybe you’ve even said you accept the apology you were offered, but now you’re wondering whether

  • Living in a Time of Threat
    by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT on June 26, 2020 at 3:21 pm

    If you would have been asked a year ago if you were concerned about a global pandemic grinding life as you know it to a halt, you probably would have raised your eyebrows and laughed.  There is no doubt that the world we are in is not the world we knew then. The ongoing threat

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  • Is the Future of Love in Online Dating?
    by Rachel on August 10, 2020 at 5:03 pm

    There is no denying that over the past decade, the social stigma associated with online dating has drastically declined. Online dating is now one of the most common ways for individuals to find a partner. In fact, experts predict that 50% of relationships will begin this way within the next few years. As many of The post Is the Future of Love in Online Dating? appeared first on MacLynn.

  • Romantic Getaways Close to Home
    by Gina Yannotta on August 4, 2020 at 8:33 am

    Are you looking to get away for a sizzling summer of love but worried about straying too far from home? With a little imagination, you and the object of your affection, could soon be feeling the zen and buzz of being somewhere different together. Our plan at Vida is to always keep romance on the The post Romantic Getaways Close to Home appeared first on MacLynn.

  • Relationship Dealbreakers
    by Gina Yannotta on July 30, 2020 at 1:48 pm

    Do you have a checklist when it comes to your dream partner? Would you say some of these characteristics or qualities are dealbreakers? It’s likely that as you grow older, some of your deal breakers have changed, some have become more important, and others are now non-existent. According to research, women are more likely to The post Relationship Dealbreakers appeared first on MacLynn.

  • When Love and Money Collide
    by Rachel on July 28, 2020 at 3:15 pm

    Money is the number one issue that married couples argue over, and when it comes to marital problems, fights about money are the second highest cause of divorce, behind infidelity. The secret to a solid and long-lasting relationship takes time and work. No matter how much you love each other, merging two lives and your The post When Love and Money Collide appeared first on MacLynn.

  • The Effect of Texting on Relationships
    by Gina Yannotta on July 27, 2020 at 3:20 pm

    Over the last 25 years, texting has dramatically changed the way we communicate. Back when the ‘mobile telephone’ was first introduced, social scientists of the early ’90s were skeptical. What is wrong with talking to someone in person? Or sending a letter? Their main concern with this new technology was how texting eliminated nonverbal cues. The post The Effect of Texting on Relationships appeared first on MacLynn.

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  • What is a Woman’s Responsibility in a FLR?
    by Te-Erika Patterson on April 10, 2020 at 9:20 pm

    We often discuss how important it is for men to uphold the FLR concepts of Please Her, Protect Her, Promote Her. But, in a Loving Female Relationship (Loving FLR) women have certain responsibilities too. A man wrote in recently to say: I cannot imagine that I’m the only man who gave his all to a+ Read More The post What is a Woman’s Responsibility in a FLR? appeared first on Loving FLR.

  • I Have Always Respected My Wife’s Decisions
    by Te-Erika Patterson on April 8, 2020 at 10:04 pm

    I know how men can wheedle and press their partners to get what they want, when they fear they won’t get it. I am not lily-white in that regard. If she says she’ll think about, or gives a “hmmm” or a maybe, whether to soften a “no” or because she really does want to think+ Read More The post I Have Always Respected My Wife’s Decisions appeared first on Loving FLR.

  • Men Have Fears About Relationships Too
    by Te-Erika Patterson on March 31, 2020 at 3:36 am

    No man is a superhuman, even when we want them to be. Women expect men to have it all together at all times, to never be emotional or insecure or need TLC. But men are human too and sometimes they need reassurance because they have fears about being hurt, abandoned or not being good enough.+ Read More The post Men Have Fears About Relationships Too appeared first on Loving FLR.

  • Can a Woman be Too Demanding in a Loving FLR?
    by Te-Erika Patterson on March 19, 2020 at 11:54 pm

    After more than a decade of being single I met a man and I felt it was a good idea to give a relationship with him a try. He was very considerate, thoughtful and tried his best to please me. I was shell shocked, honestly. I thought this type of behavior was reserved for women+ Read More The post Can a Woman be Too Demanding in a Loving FLR? appeared first on Loving FLR.

  • Am I in a FLR Right Now?
    by Te-Erika Patterson on March 15, 2020 at 8:31 pm

    I study relationships like most people study their favorite sports team or hobby. I have spent the last decade studying Marriage/Family therapy in grad school and eventually moving into defining the relationship style that we now know as Loving FLR by writing 5 books, creating videos and online education programs. I have interviewed or surveyed+ Read More The post Am I in a FLR Right Now? appeared first on Loving FLR.

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  • Do You Feel Cursed in Love? Why you still don’t have the relationship you want
    by jessmccann on March 11, 2020 at 8:24 am

    Ashlee is one of those women who can walk into a room and make every head turn. She is a tall, slender brunette with blue eyes and a wide smile. But good looks aren’t Ashlee’s only attractive attribute; she is also smart, well-traveled, and outgoing.But Ashlee has never had a satisfying romantic relationship. She’s had numerous boyfriends—in fact, she’s rarely single for long—but their interest in her lasts only a few months. She eventually receives a break-up text or is ghosted without any warning. Ashlee cannot understand why she is unable to hold someone’s interest and is beginning to worry … Continue reading →

  • Four Phrases That Can Save Your Relationship
    by jessmccann on March 9, 2020 at 4:42 pm

    Things aren't good. In fact, they are really, really bad between you two. The love and companionship you once had seems like a thing of the past and now your days are filled with arguments, tears, and misunderstandings. Maybe you've tried for so long that you are almost ready to give up, or perhaps you are afraid that the one you love might give up on you. What I know is that most couples who want to stay together make a consorted effort to do so, however, the things they try are usually ineffective. Since communication is key to any healthy, happy relationship, most end up failing not due to lack of love but lack of understanding, empathy, and appreciation. And it's not necessarily because we don't possess those things, but because we don't effectively communicate them to each other. I've compiled a list of the 5 most important phrases that can turn around even the most broken of relationships. 1. How Can I Help? When is the last time you said these words to your partner? Maybe you've been so caught up in having him or her do things for you that you haven't thought about what you can do for them. This phrase is especially helpful if you use it at the very time you feel yourself about to get into yet another argument because your boy/girlfriend is in a bad mood and taking it out on you. Imagine that he comes home from a long day, doesn't greet you with open arms, and immediately jumps down your throat for something trivial because he's just had it with crappy job, shitty boss, or anything that is unrelated to you. You could get your panties in a bunch, defend yourself and retort with some snide come back, or you can recognize that his bad attitude is actually a cry for help. 2. What Would You Like Me To Do or Say? Said honestly and not sarcastically, this statement can save you a ton of time and frustration. Most of the time we think we are hearing people accurately (when we are not) and then we decide on what action to take based on that inaccurate assessment (which ends up doing nothing for them.) To get to the point, and start making positive changes right away, just ask your partner what they need from you instead of guessing. 3. You're Right. I find this phrase is more effective than the ever-popular "I'm Sorry." It may be because "I'm sorry" is over-used, or sometimes said half-heartedly, but "You're Right" hardly ever goes wrong. The key with these two words is, again, in timing. When your partner is telling you how they feel, citing places where you could improve, don't jump to point your finger back at them and start listing examples of where they, too, could improve. Instead just sit there, listen, and say, "Your Right." This is usually so disarming that it stuns the other person into softening up immediately. Then, you can have your turn to vent your frustrations. 4. I appreciate that you... This one speaks for itself. It's been said by numerous experts that the number one reason people leave relationships or cheat on their spouses is lack of appreciation, not lack of love. So how important do you think it is to actually say the words, "I appreciate"? Yeah, pretty important. It doesn't matter what it is that you appreciate either... emptying the dishwasher, sending a sweet text, remembering an important date, whatever it is, just tell the one you love that you appreciate their efforts. For more of my advice blogs click here to load. To check out my books on Amazon, click here. Continue reading →

  • What Every Girl Should Know About Hooking Up….
    by jessmccann on March 7, 2020 at 8:42 am

    This blog is an oldie but a goodie! I last posted it in 2009, so for anyone who hasn't read it yet, enjoy! Your are out with your friends enjoying a few drinks on a beautiful night. Your phone vibrates. You have one new text message. You pick it up and see that it's Sam, a guy you met three weeks ago and hooked up with because you were really wasted. He's a nice guy, but ever since that night, he's been pseudo-stalking you. You've been cordial, answering some of his texts and calls, mostly because you like the attention, but he's just not the one for you. You tell your friends at the table, "It's Sam the stalker again. He is out in DC and wants to know where I am." There's a round of snickers and laughs. Someone tells you to be nice to the poor guy and tell him where you are. You never know, he might have cute friends, she says. You take a sip of your margarita and say, "Let's see how the night goes. If we don't find any cute guys here, I will tell him to come by." Two hours and two rounds later, no one at the table has seen anyone cute. You are almost forced by one of your oversexed friends to call Sam and bring his entourage over. By now you have a good buzz going and figure, why not. He'll buy you your next round and tell you how hot you are. So you text Sam and tell him where you are in Arlington. You laugh to yourself because you don't even have to extend an invitation. You know very well that he's going to say by some strange coincidence that he's at the bar next door and will just swing by. Fifteen minutes later, Sam, his best friend, and his roommate stroll into bar. People are introduced, shots are ordered, and the night officially begins. Sam is all over you and the more you drink, the more you like it. By the end of the night, you and Sam are stumbling back to your place. You guys make out all over your apartment and for some reason it's really great. Maybe it's because you've been going through a dry spell, but whatever the reason, you are into it. You continue to make out with Sam and the more you kiss him, the more you like him. How could you have disregarded him before? Maybe he's not as bad as you initially thought. And then you wake up the next day completely sober and realize you had on major margarita glasses. Sam is lying in your bed, snoring like a sabertooth tiger, drooling on your favorite pillow. You are annoyed like crazy. How long is going to be here, you wonder? He finally wakes up, smiling like a cheshire cat, and pats the space next to him, indicating he wants you to lie back down. You'd rather shoot yourself than cuddle with Sam so you make up an excuse about having to run into work that morning. Disappointed, Sam reluctantly and slowly, gets out of your bed. You throw his pants at him and watch him stumble to get dressed, knocking over your alarm clock and family photo in the process. He apologizes and then asks if you have time to grab some breakfast. Ah, sorry no. You really don't. Some other time maybe. Sam picks up on your unintentional invitation to do this again, and says, "Ok, when? Do you want to meet up later tonight?" At this point you just want him out of your apartment so you tell him to call you later and you will see about getting together. He finally leaves after you pretend to walk to your car. You get back to your apartment and collapse on the couch. You eventually drift off to sleep but not before labeling Sam's number DO NOT ANSWER into your cell phone. I know you can all related to this story. We have all had guys we just aren't into, chase after us relentlessly. We've all caved and been nice to them, even hooked up with them once or twice. We've kept them on the back burner in cases of emergency and extreme boredom. But guess what? This story is not what you think. You've just entered the Twilight Zone. You were not out with your girlfriends having margaritas last night. You were in DC, hanging out with your best friend and her roommate, hoping to hear from the guy you met three weeks ago and had a hot hook up with. A hook up you have not been able to stop thinking about. That's right, in this scenario, YOU are Sam. You were the one who texted him to find out where he was. You were elated when he told you he was at the Eventide rooftop in Arlington. You rushed over and played it off as if you at the bar next door. You met up with him and his friends, had some drinks and ended up back at his place, where at some point in the night you fell completely in love. You woke up in his bed filled with excitement. You are certain he likes you now. He wanted to go to breakfast, but a work emergency took priority. Totally understandable. You like him even more because he's ambitious. He told you to call him later and you guys would meet up again that night. Maybe you saw this switch-a-roo coming from a mile away. Maybe my Twilight Zone blog was totally predictable. I really don't know. What I do know is this. There are lots of girls out there that string along men that they aren't interested in. They hook up with them when it's convenient, call when they are lonely, and essentially use them when they want to. Those same women often come crying to me when a man does the same thing to them. These girls bounce back and forth between men that like them but have no interest in, and men that they like but can't pin down. Ironically, these women cannot see the writing on the wall when a man is only with them out of convenience. They make up excuses for sporadic behavior. If he doesn't call for a week, but then suddenly texts while he's out on a Friday night, they believe it means he's suddenly come around! He was just busy all week with his stressful work schedule. The truth is that guys will use you in the same way you use them. In order to find love and happiness you must stop the cycle of use. It's the most anti-love action possible. How is it fair that you waste that nice boy's time but then fall to pieces when another guy does it to you? The Universe will absolutely bring you what you deserve and if it knows you are only hanging out with someone because you are lonely, it will not blink at handing you the same scenario. Don't waste your time on men that are not interested in you and don't waste someone else's time either. Getting involved with men who make you chase them can do a terrible number on your self-esteem. Unbalanced and unloving relationships chip away at your heart and by the time you find a guy that really likes you, you don't know how to act. You don't know how to really be in a healthy relationship because, thus far, in your past there has only been use. If you don't like someone, don't waste their time. And if a guy doesn't seem crazy about you, do yourself a big favor and just move on to someone who is. What you put out to the world is what you will get back. Be kind and loving to men and they will be kind and loving to you. Continue on to additional ADVICE BLOGS HERE. Continue reading →

  • Should I text him? How long should I wait if he took a week to contact me?
    by jessmccann on March 5, 2020 at 3:07 pm

    Dear Jess, Last week I gave a guy my number. It took him six days to contact me, but he finally sent me a text. How long do I have to wait to respond to him? I’m a fan of applying old-school rules to new technology, so the first time a guy reaches out to you, you should wait at least twenty-four hours to respond. It does not matter if he texts, calls, e-mails, or instant messages. Whatever mode of communication he chooses still warrants the same reply time. Having difficulty with that? Think of it this way: Ever since you gave him your number six days ago, you’ve been staring at your phone, recapping the night you met him, second guessing his interest, and undoubtedly doubting yourself, what has he been doing? Going to the gym, seeing his friends, and, oh yeah, not calling you. As you’ve been sitting there in a quiet panic, wondering if you were going to hear from him, he’s been living life worry free. Now that he’s called you, it’s his turn to wait and stress a little. However, if you call or text him back immediately, that won’t happen. If he actually calls you, do not pick up. Let your voice mail handle things for now and return his call the following day. This isn’t revenge for making you wait—it’s just rebalancing for the greater good of your future relationship. After you text him back the first time, you are going to have to vary your response tactics. If you religiously wait exactly twenty- four hours each time, he will eventually pick up on your pattern and think you are playing a game. It’s always a good idea to let time pass before you reciprocate a call or text, but if you want to remain a mystery and keep the chase going, the key is to be unpredictable. Text back immediately some of the time but then wait a few hours or a whole day the next. Keep him on his toes by being unpredictable when it comes to your return texts and calls. What If He Calls and Doesn’t Leave a Message? Dear Jess, Update! He just called! But for some reason he didn’t leave a message. Can I call him back? If you want a guy to know that you have been sitting by the phone eagerly awaiting his call, then by all means, go right ahead and call him back. But consider this first: How do you know that he really meant to call you and this wasn’t just an accidental pocket dial? How embarrassed will you be if you call him and he says that he didn’t really intend to call you? Then all that self-restraint you’ve been exercising will be for nothing. He’ll think, “Wow, I pocket- dialed her and she got so excited she called me!” For argument sake, let’s say he did purposefully call you and did not leave a voice mail; if you call him back, you will be setting a precedent that he doesn’t ever have to leave you a message. While you may not care about that right now because you are so elated to hear from him, you will care after it happens for the tenth or fifteenth time. He will learn that he can do the bare minimum, and you will still jump to his attention. In essence, you are positively reinforcing bad manners and unconsciously telling him that you aren’t worthy of being properly pursued. One of my clients constantly struggled with her phone etiquette, too. She would always Continue reading →

  • Why You Haven’t Found Your Person: Your Unconscious (and Toxic) Dating Pattern
    by jessmccann on March 4, 2020 at 6:18 pm

    "I haven't had a boyfriend in years. Everyone around me is getting engaged. I can't believe I'm this old and still single!" Have you ever uttered these words? Maybe to a friend? Maybe to yourself? Have you sat there smiling at a girlfriends' bridal shower only to secretly be thinking, "Why isn't that me?" Are you feeling so frustrated by the lack of love in your life that you are almost ready to give up the dream of ever finding it? If any of this sounds like you, rest assured you are not alone. There are millions of females that feel just as you do, and are struggling just as you are. Like you, they want to find their person in life, and are totally unsure as to why they haven't yet. It wasn't this hard for your parents, so why is so hard for you? Is it just today's culture? Are you looking in the wrong places? Dating the wrong guys? Saying the wrong things? Whatever it is, you haven't figured it out, so you don't even know how to fix it. Recently I received an email through my website that summed up all the dating woes that women seem to be feeling these days. It said, "Dear Jess. I'm so over dating I could just cry. I have joined every dating site, gone to every meetup group, and forced myself to be as friendly and engaging as possible. In the end, I may get a few dates, but they never amount to anything. It's like the whole world has "gone casush" (short for gone casual) and no one wants a traditional relationship anymore. Is it really that things have changed so much, or is it me that's causing these disastrous dating results?" The answer is that yes, things have changed, but things have always been changing. Women used to get married by arrangement, and dates only took place with chaperones. That's no longer the case, of course. Yes, times change, but honestly, love hasn't. It's out there and guys do want it, too. The problem I see for most girls and young women is that they have an unknown, toxic dating pattern that has them perpetually yielding the same results with guys over and over again. In fact, I've seen these undiscovered patterns pop up so much over the last ten years that after only speaking to someone for about an hour, I can usually indentify which one they have. In all, there are five, and some of the ramifications are as follows: * The guys you like never like you back as much * You get angry or frustrated with the guys you date fairly often * You are alone (because you are pickier than most people) * You feel like it's just a matter of time before your relationship fails * You feel jealous of other people's relationships * You can't let go of a person or experience you've had in the past which has made you untrusting and jaded * You incessantly replay your conversations with people * You're always wondering where the relationship is going and then it doesn't go anywhere * You constantly compare yourself to other women and often feel like you are in competition with them * You think if you were prettier/smarter/thinner you would probably be in a relationship * You like things a very certain way to the point of perfectionism * You need constant reassurance that someone likes you If you can identify with any of the above listed items, it's highly likely you have one of the 5 patterns that I'm speaking of. Now is the time to figure out what yours is specifically and correct it. I'm now offering coaching packages of 3 or 5 sessions either over the phone or through email. Send me an email at coach@jessmccann.com and ask for pricing (I promise, it's worth it.) To check out more of my advice blogs, click here. Other Popular Blogs: Why He Chose Her Over You? Are You Likely To End Up Alone? He Hasn't Texted Me Back! What Do I Do?   Continue reading →

  • My [23f] boyfriend [24m] won't stop referencing a Diary of a Wimpy Kid meme and it's driving me up the wall
    by /u/RAthroaway1993 on August 12, 2020 at 2:48 am

    First of all, I am well aware that this is going to sound like a shitpost. Unfortunately it's not. My bf and I have been together for 2 years and lived together for about six months. Since COVID began we've been trying our best to isolate ourselves but on Saturday he tested positive for it so I'm assuming I have also been exposed. Thus, we're in lockdown for two weeks so we don't expose anyone else. To get to the point, my bf has kind of a quirky sense of humor (really into memes and stuff like that) and spends a lot of time on Reddit and Instagram meme pages. About a week or so ago he showed me a meme from the book series "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" that had the word "ploopie" in it. I guess I didn't really "get it" but he thought it was funny. He started saying "ploopie" kind of randomly, for example when he dropped something in the kitchen or accidentally put his hand under too-hot water. Then he started saying it 'at me' or in response to things I was saying. At first it was kind of weird/funny but then it started to really annoy me. Like I would bring up things that were semi-important like going to the grocery store or replacing lightbultbs and he would just respond with "ploopie". Now he won't stop. He uses different intonations, too, like angry "ploopie" when he loses in a video game or curious "ploopie?" if he's looking at my phone over my shoulder and wants to see something. I told him last week that it was starting to seriously annoy me and he toned it down but since this weekend he's been back in full force ploopie-mode. I have stated multiple times that it annoys me and I would like him to stop but it feels like he's not making any effort to do so. The other day I mentioned being stressed out because I can't see my sister and niece for a while and he responded with a 'sad' "ploopie". I'm literally at my wit's end with this. I am starting to think it might be some kind of weird psychological coping mechanism to deal with the stress of being COIVD positive and locked down but I cannot handle hearing "ploopie" every day for the next two weeks. I love him and don't want to end a two year relationship over a stupid meme. I haven't told any of my friends because I don't even know where to begin. I know it's a small problem compared to a lot of the posts on this sub but I feel like I'm losing my mind. TL;DR: Bf won't stop referencing the "ploopie" meme from Diary of a Wimpy Kid and it's driving me crazy since we're essentially locked down for the next two weeks at least. submitted by /u/RAthroaway1993 [link] [comments]

  • I [F19] wish I could tell him [M19] this in real life, but I'm too nervous
    by /u/lettersforhim on August 12, 2020 at 1:38 am

    He’s the first person I have ever truly liked. I've never had a boyfriend, and he is the first person that I could truly see myself dating. It's been a full year now, and I still haven't lost feelings for him. Not even a little bit. We met on the first week of our freshman year of college, and the moment I laid eyes on him, I knew he was different. Sure, he was attractive, but it was so much more than that. It was the way he always carried himself with kindness. The way he respected me, and every other person around him. The way he was quiet, and every word he said was meaningful. The way he loosened up and was his true authentic self around the people he felt comfortable with. The way his compassion and thoughtfulness was obvious to everyone, the way he stopped me from falling by grabbing my arm, the way he teased me when I screamed on a ride. The way he patiently helped me learn how to play a certain game, and the way he emphasized how much better I was getting when we finished. The way he would joke, and then glance over at me. The way we accidentally saw a movie together, and the way he walked me home even though he didn't need to, because I had mace. The way he took the time to make sure I was doing okay when he knew I was having a tough time. The way I feel so incredibly safe just standing or sitting next to him. Like nothing in the world could hurt me, because he is there. I'm scared to tell him how I feel, because I'm not at all attractive, plus I’m shy and I'm awkward. I honestly think he could do so much better than me. I don't know if he feels the same way, and I value our friendship far too much to risk ruining it by telling him how I feel. But I wish I could. I really wish I could be honest with him, because it's been a year of me keeping these feelings inside. TL;DR - he’s the first guy I have truly liked, and I’m too scared to tell him submitted by /u/lettersforhim [link] [comments]

  • I (26M) have some toxic relationship dynamics and want to be better.
    by /u/strokes_your_nose on August 12, 2020 at 1:08 am

    So I just had a video date with a woman I met online. We had a ton in common and this person checked off all of my boxes. We looked good on paper. I have this unhealthy habit where I fantasize about the type of relationship I could have with a person and ended up doing it with her. I did not feel a spark when we finally did chat but I wanted to try doing something again because I know that it can take a couple dates to get a feel for a person. I asked her out again and she respectfully declined, saying that she got friend vibes from me. That's totally fine especially seeing as I did not feel a spark either. But ever since we last spoke, I've been feeling really down. I built it up way too much in my head and am now reeling from losing the fantasy and how things could have been if I were dating someone who had as much in common with me as this person. Can any of you relate? Do you have any advice for me? I really want to be better for myself and the people I will date in the future. Thanks in advance. TL;DR I fantasize when dating and need to change it. submitted by /u/strokes_your_nose [link] [comments]

  • Parents lied (or forget about) childhood diagnosis
    by /u/kitkatrampage on August 12, 2020 at 12:22 am

    I have made a few posts over the past few days about this but... So i am in my early 30s. This past weekend my mom casually says she has some medical paperwork from when i was younger she wants me to see. She was having trouble finding the paperwork - missing at the time. I pressed her on it and she says it was this brain thing i outgrew that they found after a sports injury. I vaguely remember bits of this.. and seeing doctors afterwards but i was 12 so it is all a bit foggy. A few years ago i was seeing a few doctors because i was having weird medical concerns. Although i got a diagnosis for /some/ of the issues - most were basically considered to be anxiety or from not being super in shape. Basically Mild neurological symptoms.. headaches, shakiness, poor balance. I asked my mom and she insisted that this was different and i grew out of the childhood medical thing. So, i got some of the medical paperwork and the condition was referred to as a possibility multiple times (the thing my mom insisted must be totally different). I guess my question is.. how angry should i be? my mom says i never had any symptoms (i would disagree and say i had mild ones) so they didnt worry about it. Which makes no sense since she didnt even remember what it was. I feel like my trust has been shattered and i dont even know what to think. Tldr: Parents never mentioned childhood diagnosis. Recently mentioned this weird brain thing i had as a kid that went away. Paperwork shows that info as well as more recent (different) diagnosis. How do i move past this? submitted by /u/kitkatrampage [link] [comments]

  • I (M28) hate my father for having an affair and secret child. Am I right to feel this way?
    by /u/951owner on August 12, 2020 at 12:05 am

    Am I right to hate my Dad for having a secret child. I’m 28 years old now. When I was about 14 I started noticing signs that my dad was having an affair. Overheard phone calls, saw texts, away on “business trips”....This went on for years before I finally lost it and called him out for it in front of my mom around age 17. He completely denied it, my parents had a long talk and my mom basically told me that I was overthinking it all and that she believes him and I have to apologize to him. Fast forward to when I was about 26 I found out that my dad has a secret child and so I confronted them again about it but still denial. He ends up telling me this bs story that he was caring for a coworkers kid that lost his father and he became like a father to him. My entire adult life I have never had any respect for him for what I know he has done. Any time he would get mad at me for even the smallest thing I would lose it because I felt he had no right to be mad at me for anything when he knows I know what he did. I have always had relationship and trust issues which I am now realizing are caused by my childhood. It has gotten to the point now that I don’t want anything to do with him anymore. I know he feels terrible about what he’s done and he is always trying to improve our relationship but I just can never get over it. I always end up fighting with him. Am I right to feel this way about my own father? Would it be so terrible to just push him out of my life at this point? TLDR; I hate my father for having an affair and secret child. Am I right to feel this way? Should o push him out of my life? submitted by /u/951owner [link] [comments]

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