- How Are You Different?by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT on April 10, 2021 at 1:10 am
We have gone through so much in the past year. We’ve adapted, bent, scrambled, mourned, watched, processed, prayed and hoped as our lives changed in ways it was impossible to have predicted. Many have experienced vulnerability, fear and worry in new ways too. As we in this country breathe in signs of hope for positive The post How Are You Different? first appeared on LoveAndLifeToolBox.
- When This is Overby Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT on March 13, 2021 at 5:01 pm
This past year has felt to like it’s been sucked up into a vacuum. Many of us are rubbing the Covid sleep out of our eyes with cautious optimism as vaccine rollouts accelerate and Covid numbers decline nationally. The human toll has been profound on many levels and despite reasons to be hopeful, reasons for The post When This is Over first appeared on LoveAndLifeToolBox.
- Cultivating the Wiser Selfby Linda Graham, MFT on March 3, 2021 at 6:13 pm
Linda Graham, MFT and author of Resilience: Powerful Practices for Bouncing Back from Disappointment, Difficulty and Even Disaster, shares an exercise to help cultivate your wiser self. When we’re facing a difficult decision – leaving a job that’s no long in alignment with our values and passions, seeking new possibilities but risking failure, or staying The post Cultivating the Wiser Self first appeared on LoveAndLifeToolBox.
- Valentines Day: Is it Time to Refocus on Your Relationship?by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT on February 12, 2021 at 5:20 pm
Many relationships have taken a beating over the past months. The preoccupation and distraction of COVID has had consequential impact on couples everywhere as their relationships have slipped out of focus. As a couples therapist, I’ve witnessed firsthand the impact of stress, more time together than ever, social worlds reduced to rubble and family challenges The post Valentines Day: Is it Time to Refocus on Your Relationship? first appeared on LoveAndLifeToolBox.
- What Do You Do When the Bottom Falls Out?by Rick Hanson, PhD on January 18, 2021 at 4:45 pm
Rick Hanson, PhD and author of Just One Thing and others, reflects upon how to be better able to deal with stressful times, as others have before us. He believes we can too. The Practice: Take heart. Why? It takes heart to live in even ordinary times. By “taking heart,” I mean several related The post What Do You Do When the Bottom Falls Out? first appeared on LoveAndLifeToolBox.
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- Can Female Breadwinners Exist in Successful Relationships?by Rachel on April 15, 2021 at 9:28 am
There have always been discussions and debates revolving around gender roles. Although we’ve come a very long way in terms of gender equality. Certain facets regarding gender roles are still impactful when it comes to dating and relationships. One that I’m most interested in is The Female Breadwinner. My career as an elite international matchmaker has The post Can Female Breadwinners Exist in Successful Relationships? appeared first on Maclynn.
- Emotional Intelligence Matters in Romantic Relationshipsby Gina Yannotta on March 30, 2021 at 3:09 pm
In the corporate world, exceptional IQ will get you the job, but it’s EQ or Emotional Intelligence that will keep you in the job and lead to promotion and success. Why is this so? Because engaging emotional intelligence is the capacity to identify and perceive in yourself and others what is going on, and then The post Emotional Intelligence Matters in Romantic Relationships appeared first on Maclynn.
- How to Identify Green Flags in a Relationshipby Alex Warren on March 23, 2021 at 5:25 pm
Green flags are not as commonly talked about in regards to relationships, as red flags are. When starting a new relationship, we often find ourselves looking for the red flags that let us know that a relationship may not be right for us. However, being able to identify the green flags, which indicate a relationship The post How to Identify Green Flags in a Relationship appeared first on Maclynn.
- Love and Success: Can you really have it all?by Rachel on March 16, 2021 at 4:46 pm
Success in life is the aim of the game for so many – professionally, personally or ideally, both. The beginning of a relationship is full of exhilaration, anticipation, and butterflies in your stomach. Some people may say the same feeling is achieved while crushing goals on their career path. Unfortunately, the pressure to maintain both The post Love and Success: Can you really have it all? appeared first on Maclynn.
- Standout Date Spots in San Franciscoby Sarah Powell on March 11, 2021 at 9:23 am
Spring is on the horizon in California and singles are feeling ready to mingle! Our intention at Maclynn International is to keep romance in bloom, even through the most challenging of times. As we begin to re-emerge and safely socialize, we are tickled to share some of our favorite San Francisco date ideas for both The post Standout Date Spots in San Francisco appeared first on Maclynn.
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- I’m Afraid to Be in a FLRby Te-Erika Patterson on February 25, 2021 at 3:28 pm
Dear Te-Erika, With her needs as a priority in a Female Led Relationship, I am concerned that my needs might not get the attention and support they need. ~M Dear M, Men who are afraid of a Loving Female Led Relationship have probably spent a lot of time combing the internet for information about Loving+ Read More The post I’m Afraid to Be in a FLR appeared first on Loving FLR.
- Even though Alpha women are strong, they know how to love too.by Te-Erika Patterson on February 21, 2021 at 11:30 pm
I met Sarah during my broke days in UCLA Berkeley when I was desperately looking for a job. I dreamed and still plan to build up my career in Diplomacy and Foreign Affairs. My wife was a strong independent woman but unfortunately a heartbroken single mom when I first met her. I suffered 5 rejections+ Read More The post Even though Alpha women are strong, they know how to love too. appeared first on Loving FLR.
- What is a Woman’s Responsibility in a FLR?by Te-Erika Patterson on April 10, 2020 at 9:20 pm
We often discuss how important it is for men to uphold the FLR concepts of Please Her, Protect Her, Promote Her. But, in a Loving Female Relationship (Loving FLR) women have certain responsibilities too. A man wrote in recently to say: I cannot imagine that I’m the only man who gave his all to a+ Read More The post What is a Woman’s Responsibility in a FLR? appeared first on Loving FLR.
- I Have Always Respected My Wife’s Decisionsby Te-Erika Patterson on April 8, 2020 at 10:04 pm
I know how men can wheedle and press their partners to get what they want, when they fear they won’t get it. I am not lily-white in that regard. If she says she’ll think about, or gives a “hmmm” or a maybe, whether to soften a “no” or because she really does want to think+ Read More The post I Have Always Respected My Wife’s Decisions appeared first on Loving FLR.
- Men Have Fears About Relationships Tooby Te-Erika Patterson on March 31, 2020 at 3:36 am
No man is a superhuman, even when we want them to be. Women expect men to have it all together at all times, to never be emotional or insecure or need TLC. But men are human too and sometimes they need reassurance because they have fears about being hurt, abandoned or not being good enough.+ Read More The post Men Have Fears About Relationships Too appeared first on Loving FLR.
- Make Him Worship Youon July 9, 2019 at 10:09 am
Learn about the pressures men feel, and use this to build better relationships
- How To Get A Man To Respect Youon July 2, 2019 at 10:09 am
You can't force him to respect you; but by understanding how men think you can make him choose to respect you.
- Why Committed Men Lose Interest - The ONLY 3 Reasonson June 27, 2019 at 10:00 am
Does he stay or go? The only 3 factors that matter
- The #1 thing missing in modern relationshipson June 20, 2019 at 10:09 am
Modern men are ashamed. Because you don't...
- He's Losing Interest; What Can I Do?on May 27, 2019 at 10:09 am
Discover the psychological factors that will keep him committed to you and the relationship.
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- How To Create A Romantic Atmosphere In A Room For Your Long Distance Reunionby Guest on July 18, 2019 at 3:10 am
It’s finally here. You’ve set the date for when your long distance significant other will finally pay you a visit! Time to start planning what you two will be up to. Chances are, you will wind up at your place. ... Read More
- 25 Questions That Can Make You Laugh Until You Cryby Guest on July 3, 2019 at 1:39 am
A huge concern for people who are in a long distance relationship is running out of things to talk about! Sometimes it feels as if you’ve already shared every small detail about your lives or your day, and the well ... Read More
- How to Stay Connected At A Distance? What You Do On Your Own is More Important Than You Thinkby Guest on June 18, 2019 at 4:24 am
By: Jennifer Belus. Jennifer has a PhD in Clinical Psychology and works as a researcher at the University of Maryland. Her research is focused on developing interventions to help couples overcome mental and physical health problems and relationship challenges. She ... Read More
- 3 Simple Steps To Long Distance Sexual Intimacyby Guest on June 3, 2019 at 3:51 am
(Guest post by Sam Caesar) Let’s face it, one of the major issues in any long distance relationships is sex. I mean, sex is generally one of the major issues of any relationship between adults, so that’s not surprising. Every ... Read More
- 8 Ways To Make A “Highlights Reel” Of Your Long Distance Relationshipby Lisa McKay on April 26, 2019 at 6:10 pm
Have you ever come across a skeptical person who just can’t get their head around the fact that your long-distance relationship is a real, loving, and meaningful relationship? Yeah, I think many of us have. But did you know that ... Read More
- Do You Feel Cursed in Love? Why you still don’t have the relationship you wantby jessmccann on March 11, 2020 at 8:24 am
Ashlee is one of those women who can walk into a room and make every head turn. She is a tall, slender brunette with blue eyes and a wide smile. But good looks aren’t Ashlee’s only attractive attribute; she is also smart, well-traveled, and outgoing.But Ashlee has never had a satisfying romantic relationship. She’s had numerous boyfriends—in fact, she’s rarely single for long—but their interest in her lasts only a few months. She eventually receives a break-up text or is ghosted without any warning. Ashlee cannot understand why she is unable to hold someone’s interest and is beginning to worry … Continue reading →
- Four Phrases That Can Save Your Relationshipby jessmccann on March 9, 2020 at 4:42 pm
Things aren't good. In fact, they are really, really bad between you two. The love and companionship you once had seems like a thing of the past and now your days are filled with arguments, tears, and misunderstandings. Maybe you've tried for so long that you are almost ready to give up, or perhaps you are afraid that the one you love might give up on you. What I know is that most couples who want to stay together make a consorted effort to do so, however, the things they try are usually ineffective. Since communication is key to any healthy, happy relationship, most end up failing not due to lack of love but lack of understanding, empathy, and appreciation. And it's not necessarily because we don't possess those things, but because we don't effectively communicate them to each other. I've compiled a list of the 5 most important phrases that can turn around even the most broken of relationships. 1. How Can I Help? When is the last time you said these words to your partner? Maybe you've been so caught up in having him or her do things for you that you haven't thought about what you can do for them. This phrase is especially helpful if you use it at the very time you feel yourself about to get into yet another argument because your boy/girlfriend is in a bad mood and taking it out on you. Imagine that he comes home from a long day, doesn't greet you with open arms, and immediately jumps down your throat for something trivial because he's just had it with crappy job, shitty boss, or anything that is unrelated to you. You could get your panties in a bunch, defend yourself and retort with some snide come back, or you can recognize that his bad attitude is actually a cry for help. 2. What Would You Like Me To Do or Say? Said honestly and not sarcastically, this statement can save you a ton of time and frustration. Most of the time we think we are hearing people accurately (when we are not) and then we decide on what action to take based on that inaccurate assessment (which ends up doing nothing for them.) To get to the point, and start making positive changes right away, just ask your partner what they need from you instead of guessing. 3. You're Right. I find this phrase is more effective than the ever-popular "I'm Sorry." It may be because "I'm sorry" is over-used, or sometimes said half-heartedly, but "You're Right" hardly ever goes wrong. The key with these two words is, again, in timing. When your partner is telling you how they feel, citing places where you could improve, don't jump to point your finger back at them and start listing examples of where they, too, could improve. Instead just sit there, listen, and say, "Your Right." This is usually so disarming that it stuns the other person into softening up immediately. Then, you can have your turn to vent your frustrations. 4. I appreciate that you... This one speaks for itself. It's been said by numerous experts that the number one reason people leave relationships or cheat on their spouses is lack of appreciation, not lack of love. So how important do you think it is to actually say the words, "I appreciate"? Yeah, pretty important. It doesn't matter what it is that you appreciate either... emptying the dishwasher, sending a sweet text, remembering an important date, whatever it is, just tell the one you love that you appreciate their efforts. For more of my advice blogs click here to load. To check out my books on Amazon, click here. Continue reading →
- What Every Girl Should Know About Hooking Up….by jessmccann on March 7, 2020 at 8:42 am
This blog is an oldie but a goodie! I last posted it in 2009, so for anyone who hasn't read it yet, enjoy! Your are out with your friends enjoying a few drinks on a beautiful night. Your phone vibrates. You have one new text message. You pick it up and see that it's Sam, a guy you met three weeks ago and hooked up with because you were really wasted. He's a nice guy, but ever since that night, he's been pseudo-stalking you. You've been cordial, answering some of his texts and calls, mostly because you like the attention, but he's just not the one for you. You tell your friends at the table, "It's Sam the stalker again. He is out in DC and wants to know where I am." There's a round of snickers and laughs. Someone tells you to be nice to the poor guy and tell him where you are. You never know, he might have cute friends, she says. You take a sip of your margarita and say, "Let's see how the night goes. If we don't find any cute guys here, I will tell him to come by." Two hours and two rounds later, no one at the table has seen anyone cute. You are almost forced by one of your oversexed friends to call Sam and bring his entourage over. By now you have a good buzz going and figure, why not. He'll buy you your next round and tell you how hot you are. So you text Sam and tell him where you are in Arlington. You laugh to yourself because you don't even have to extend an invitation. You know very well that he's going to say by some strange coincidence that he's at the bar next door and will just swing by. Fifteen minutes later, Sam, his best friend, and his roommate stroll into bar. People are introduced, shots are ordered, and the night officially begins. Sam is all over you and the more you drink, the more you like it. By the end of the night, you and Sam are stumbling back to your place. You guys make out all over your apartment and for some reason it's really great. Maybe it's because you've been going through a dry spell, but whatever the reason, you are into it. You continue to make out with Sam and the more you kiss him, the more you like him. How could you have disregarded him before? Maybe he's not as bad as you initially thought. And then you wake up the next day completely sober and realize you had on major margarita glasses. Sam is lying in your bed, snoring like a sabertooth tiger, drooling on your favorite pillow. You are annoyed like crazy. How long is going to be here, you wonder? He finally wakes up, smiling like a cheshire cat, and pats the space next to him, indicating he wants you to lie back down. You'd rather shoot yourself than cuddle with Sam so you make up an excuse about having to run into work that morning. Disappointed, Sam reluctantly and slowly, gets out of your bed. You throw his pants at him and watch him stumble to get dressed, knocking over your alarm clock and family photo in the process. He apologizes and then asks if you have time to grab some breakfast. Ah, sorry no. You really don't. Some other time maybe. Sam picks up on your unintentional invitation to do this again, and says, "Ok, when? Do you want to meet up later tonight?" At this point you just want him out of your apartment so you tell him to call you later and you will see about getting together. He finally leaves after you pretend to walk to your car. You get back to your apartment and collapse on the couch. You eventually drift off to sleep but not before labeling Sam's number DO NOT ANSWER into your cell phone. I know you can all related to this story. We have all had guys we just aren't into, chase after us relentlessly. We've all caved and been nice to them, even hooked up with them once or twice. We've kept them on the back burner in cases of emergency and extreme boredom. But guess what? This story is not what you think. You've just entered the Twilight Zone. You were not out with your girlfriends having margaritas last night. You were in DC, hanging out with your best friend and her roommate, hoping to hear from the guy you met three weeks ago and had a hot hook up with. A hook up you have not been able to stop thinking about. That's right, in this scenario, YOU are Sam. You were the one who texted him to find out where he was. You were elated when he told you he was at the Eventide rooftop in Arlington. You rushed over and played it off as if you at the bar next door. You met up with him and his friends, had some drinks and ended up back at his place, where at some point in the night you fell completely in love. You woke up in his bed filled with excitement. You are certain he likes you now. He wanted to go to breakfast, but a work emergency took priority. Totally understandable. You like him even more because he's ambitious. He told you to call him later and you guys would meet up again that night. Maybe you saw this switch-a-roo coming from a mile away. Maybe my Twilight Zone blog was totally predictable. I really don't know. What I do know is this. There are lots of girls out there that string along men that they aren't interested in. They hook up with them when it's convenient, call when they are lonely, and essentially use them when they want to. Those same women often come crying to me when a man does the same thing to them. These girls bounce back and forth between men that like them but have no interest in, and men that they like but can't pin down. Ironically, these women cannot see the writing on the wall when a man is only with them out of convenience. They make up excuses for sporadic behavior. If he doesn't call for a week, but then suddenly texts while he's out on a Friday night, they believe it means he's suddenly come around! He was just busy all week with his stressful work schedule. The truth is that guys will use you in the same way you use them. In order to find love and happiness you must stop the cycle of use. It's the most anti-love action possible. How is it fair that you waste that nice boy's time but then fall to pieces when another guy does it to you? The Universe will absolutely bring you what you deserve and if it knows you are only hanging out with someone because you are lonely, it will not blink at handing you the same scenario. Don't waste your time on men that are not interested in you and don't waste someone else's time either. Getting involved with men who make you chase them can do a terrible number on your self-esteem. Unbalanced and unloving relationships chip away at your heart and by the time you find a guy that really likes you, you don't know how to act. You don't know how to really be in a healthy relationship because, thus far, in your past there has only been use. If you don't like someone, don't waste their time. And if a guy doesn't seem crazy about you, do yourself a big favor and just move on to someone who is. What you put out to the world is what you will get back. Be kind and loving to men and they will be kind and loving to you. Continue on to additional ADVICE BLOGS HERE. Continue reading →
- Should I text him? How long should I wait if he took a week to contact me?by jessmccann on March 5, 2020 at 3:07 pm
Dear Jess, Last week I gave a guy my number. It took him six days to contact me, but he finally sent me a text. How long do I have to wait to respond to him? I’m a fan of applying old-school rules to new technology, so the first time a guy reaches out to you, you should wait at least twenty-four hours to respond. It does not matter if he texts, calls, e-mails, or instant messages. Whatever mode of communication he chooses still warrants the same reply time. Having difficulty with that? Think of it this way: Ever since you gave him your number six days ago, you’ve been staring at your phone, recapping the night you met him, second guessing his interest, and undoubtedly doubting yourself, what has he been doing? Going to the gym, seeing his friends, and, oh yeah, not calling you. As you’ve been sitting there in a quiet panic, wondering if you were going to hear from him, he’s been living life worry free. Now that he’s called you, it’s his turn to wait and stress a little. However, if you call or text him back immediately, that won’t happen. If he actually calls you, do not pick up. Let your voice mail handle things for now and return his call the following day. This isn’t revenge for making you wait—it’s just rebalancing for the greater good of your future relationship. After you text him back the first time, you are going to have to vary your response tactics. If you religiously wait exactly twenty- four hours each time, he will eventually pick up on your pattern and think you are playing a game. It’s always a good idea to let time pass before you reciprocate a call or text, but if you want to remain a mystery and keep the chase going, the key is to be unpredictable. Text back immediately some of the time but then wait a few hours or a whole day the next. Keep him on his toes by being unpredictable when it comes to your return texts and calls. What If He Calls and Doesn’t Leave a Message? Dear Jess, Update! He just called! But for some reason he didn’t leave a message. Can I call him back? If you want a guy to know that you have been sitting by the phone eagerly awaiting his call, then by all means, go right ahead and call him back. But consider this first: How do you know that he really meant to call you and this wasn’t just an accidental pocket dial? How embarrassed will you be if you call him and he says that he didn’t really intend to call you? Then all that self-restraint you’ve been exercising will be for nothing. He’ll think, “Wow, I pocket- dialed her and she got so excited she called me!” For argument sake, let’s say he did purposefully call you and did not leave a voice mail; if you call him back, you will be setting a precedent that he doesn’t ever have to leave you a message. While you may not care about that right now because you are so elated to hear from him, you will care after it happens for the tenth or fifteenth time. He will learn that he can do the bare minimum, and you will still jump to his attention. In essence, you are positively reinforcing bad manners and unconsciously telling him that you aren’t worthy of being properly pursued. One of my clients constantly struggled with her phone etiquette, too. She would always Continue reading →
- Why You Haven’t Found Your Person: Your Unconscious (and Toxic) Dating Patternby jessmccann on March 4, 2020 at 6:18 pm
"I haven't had a boyfriend in years. Everyone around me is getting engaged. I can't believe I'm this old and still single!" Have you ever uttered these words? Maybe to a friend? Maybe to yourself? Have you sat there smiling at a girlfriends' bridal shower only to secretly be thinking, "Why isn't that me?" Are you feeling so frustrated by the lack of love in your life that you are almost ready to give up the dream of ever finding it? If any of this sounds like you, rest assured you are not alone. There are millions of females that feel just as you do, and are struggling just as you are. Like you, they want to find their person in life, and are totally unsure as to why they haven't yet. It wasn't this hard for your parents, so why is so hard for you? Is it just today's culture? Are you looking in the wrong places? Dating the wrong guys? Saying the wrong things? Whatever it is, you haven't figured it out, so you don't even know how to fix it. Recently I received an email through my website that summed up all the dating woes that women seem to be feeling these days. It said, "Dear Jess. I'm so over dating I could just cry. I have joined every dating site, gone to every meetup group, and forced myself to be as friendly and engaging as possible. In the end, I may get a few dates, but they never amount to anything. It's like the whole world has "gone casush" (short for gone casual) and no one wants a traditional relationship anymore. Is it really that things have changed so much, or is it me that's causing these disastrous dating results?" The answer is that yes, things have changed, but things have always been changing. Women used to get married by arrangement, and dates only took place with chaperones. That's no longer the case, of course. Yes, times change, but honestly, love hasn't. It's out there and guys do want it, too. The problem I see for most girls and young women is that they have an unknown, toxic dating pattern that has them perpetually yielding the same results with guys over and over again. In fact, I've seen these undiscovered patterns pop up so much over the last ten years that after only speaking to someone for about an hour, I can usually indentify which one they have. In all, there are five, and some of the ramifications are as follows: * The guys you like never like you back as much * You get angry or frustrated with the guys you date fairly often * You are alone (because you are pickier than most people) * You feel like it's just a matter of time before your relationship fails * You feel jealous of other people's relationships * You can't let go of a person or experience you've had in the past which has made you untrusting and jaded * You incessantly replay your conversations with people * You're always wondering where the relationship is going and then it doesn't go anywhere * You constantly compare yourself to other women and often feel like you are in competition with them * You think if you were prettier/smarter/thinner you would probably be in a relationship * You like things a very certain way to the point of perfectionism * You need constant reassurance that someone likes you If you can identify with any of the above listed items, it's highly likely you have one of the 5 patterns that I'm speaking of. Now is the time to figure out what yours is specifically and correct it. I'm now offering coaching packages of 3 or 5 sessions either over the phone or through email. Send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org and ask for pricing (I promise, it's worth it.) To check out more of my advice blogs, click here. Other Popular Blogs: Why He Chose Her Over You? Are You Likely To End Up Alone? He Hasn't Texted Me Back! What Do I Do? Continue reading →
- Is My family is controlling me ?by /u/H0ltPeralta on April 18, 2021 at 1:41 pm
Hey everyone , hope you all are having a good day 😉 , so basically, i am 18F and i signed up to do a paramedic course in a town that's approximately an hour away from my home and it starts today (April 18th ) , this course is also available in a town that's 15 mins away from my house but it starts in June rather than April . My mom and i were talking about it and she just said no and went ahead and called them and transferred me to the nearer course without me agreeing, i got really angry and transferred myself back to the further course again . And we had a very long argument which caused me to cry and break down because i was really looking forward to start this course asap and the way she just said no and made me feel like i have no control over my life made me cry . Then my 22M brother came in and talked to me calmly . He said it's better for me to do it in a Closer town and in June since i will be graduated from high school by that time , and that this town thats far from our house isn't really safe and is known to host many drug dealers and basically not so good people and lots of hate crimes and violence , so it's probably unsafe for me . I said but the course is next to a police station he said "don't think the cops really care about people these days , you see the news and you see how cops themselves kill people so don't rely on that . In addition, the nearer course is also next to a police station if that matters to you , you can do the course in a close area at a better timing and still have a police station near you , we really are just concerned about your safety" . i think he's right but i don't know if this means that they are controlling me ? I have been in a relationship with an overprotective and emotionally abusive guy who didn't even let me hangout with friends because he's worried they might hurt me and would always tell me i just want to protect you / i want the best for you . Therefore; the second i feel like someone is trying to control me and pull out the " we want the best for you / we want to protect you " card idk just remind me of my ex and i don't want to feel like i don't have my freedom again . What should i do in a situation like this and how do i stop comparing their behavior to my ex's ? Any advice is appreciated, thanks 😉 Tl;dr: family wont let me do a paramedic course in a not so safe area and i am comparing it to my toxic ex's behavior . submitted by /u/H0ltPeralta [link] [comments]
- Bf (24m) acted disrespectfully towards me (22F) when he was drunk yesterday. Is alcohol an excuse ?by /u/boredinpandemic on April 18, 2021 at 1:40 pm
Yesterday, me and my bf of 2 months went to have a drink with friends. Bf got quite drunk, and after the party we left together and I slept at his place. While eating, we were talking and the conversation became about us and our relationship. He told me he wanted to try to be better for me, more responsible etc because he saw me as an overall better person than him and it makes him scared that he isn't enough. I said I loved him regardless and pushing him to change isn't something I wish to do. But I bounced on the idea of him taking more responsibility, and suggested that something I'd appreciate from him is that he doesn't let me do the groceries list every time i'll come over and eat (we buy the stuff together, but I'm always the one who's left to do the planning and I don't like it much). First seconds he was like "ok" but then quickly changed tone and got a bit angry. He felt very attacked and said "if I'm just myself it's never enough, I always have to do more" and it went on for minutes. I got sick of it and realized it was absurd, got up and left to get 2 minutes for myself to think in the bathroom. He regretted his words immediatly. I came back, he was desperate and saying sorry over and over. Although I stood my ground and said he went over the limit, I said it was okay and to not make it a bigger deal than it was. I tried to go back to him, cuddle, be like it's okay, but he acted cold, and self loathed instead. I was tired of it.. We went to sleep and the day after it was cold at first but then it was great. He was "back" just like before and we adressed our fight and he was so sorry, and barely even remembered how he acted and why, and was very embarrased with himself. There was a huge gap of difference between how he was then and now, and I'm very relieved. Basically he had let all his bad insecurities take the better of him and make him an asshole. He told be that he will not let this happen again, and doesn't want alcohol to be an excuse for this, and doesn't want to minimize what he did. I believe whole heartedly that he's much better than this, and can, and will try to do better. He's been an absolute sweety and I'm very happy with him. This was our first fight and I got scared , because this type of behavior (reacting veey badly to suggestions / criticism, and then acting very sorry for himself instead of being mature) is the blueprint of my ex and I want to avoid it at all costs. So this was a big deal for me. But I see a clear distinction between him drunk and him sober, which I didn't know of before yesterday. I have a lot of hope in him, but everyone is flawed and fails before success, so supposing it happens again, how should I react ? I truly truly believe this is just not him, but what are your thoughts ? Is alcohol an "excuse" for shitty behaviour ? Am I fooling myself by saying "this wasn't him" ? Tl;dr : Bf got drunk last night and acted disrespectfully towards me, and I got mad. He's now super embarrassed, sorry, and swore he won't let it happen again. I truly believe in him, and that he's better than this, but may I be fooling myself ? submitted by /u/boredinpandemic [link] [comments]
- How to not make this sound like a bootycall?by /u/hannahcompi on April 18, 2021 at 1:37 pm
TLDR: I (25F) want some action and to hang out with my friend (28M) but I’m afraid it sounds only like a bootycall So I’ve (25F) known my friend (28M) for like 5 months, met on a couple dating apps etc etc etc. We were super platonic for like the whole 5 months up until yesterday. I met his sister and parents and I was basically his date for his birthday celebrations yesterday. I had no idea if he saw me more than a friend (he’s been a really good friend to me thus far) and I had a big ole crush on him but didn’t know how to phrase it. But yeah so after all the birthday stuff we went back to my place for a bit and ended up kissing and making out and it was great! It’s been a while since I’ve gotten some action tbh. But anyways I’d like to have him over because dang I wanna make out more so I guess it’s kind of a booty call to invite him over for that but I’d also really like to see him too obviously. But I’m afraid if I ask him to come over for a couple hours because that’s what I want he’ll think it’s just a booty call. And I’d of course like something more than that! And guys, what would you think if a girl invited you over for that? Should I not ask him if I want to be more? submitted by /u/hannahcompi [link] [comments]
- I (21M) feel like my girlfriend (19F) doesn't like me leaving her side unless she leaves??by /u/Shleemo- on April 18, 2021 at 1:29 pm
A little context to this title; We have been together for 3 years. I feel like she is not okay with me leaving and doing what I want to do, unless she has other plans. If she doesn't have things planned it's pretty much as together at the house watching tv or something and it's honestly depressing me. When I first had an opportunity to get a gym membership the first thing on her mind was no females. Well duh it's a given I've heard it plenty of times but it shocks me still. Even going on a bike ride I feel like I have to explain myself. I now feel like it's not okay to leave anywhere without her. Why do I feel this way, or have to feel this way? I feel as if my once not so fulfilled life is still further unfulfilled after 3 years? I never had more than one friend that I now rarely hang out with, too. This feeling has thrown me into a state of depression which I have to hide. Because she also is depressed so I have to push aside my wellbeing to make sure she is okay. What can I do to change this? Any advice is appreciated. TLDR; I feel like I am restricted to leave the house whenever I want to, otherwise, I feel guilty. And it's putting me into a further depression that I have to keep tucked away or it turns to arguments. I do not like to argue, it's never been in my nature. submitted by /u/Shleemo- [link] [comments]
- My (24F) cousin (18F) keeps asking me if her dad (49M) was married before. He was, but I’m not sure if I should tell her the truth.by /u/ThrowRAmarriedbefore on April 18, 2021 at 1:16 pm
My uncle was a terrible husband to his first wife. They got married young because he got her pregnant and their families pushed for it. My uncle was incredibly resentful and took his anger out on his wife. He was emotionally, physically, and verbally abusive towards her. He had multiple affairs and eventually, he drove her to her family’s house and left her outside with their two small children even though no one was home, and she couldn’t get into contact with anyone. He divorced her and abandoned his children. He then went on to remarry one of his affair partners. They’ve since had 4 children. My family have a relationship with my uncle’s first family, which is why I know this whole story. His younger children have no idea he has been married before or that they have two older siblings. I don’t even know how my cousin became suspicious, but she has approached me multiple times asking me if her dad has been married before, over the last two years. I always tell her I have no idea, but it’s clear she doesn’t believe me. I know she is going to ask me again soon because she has been asking me at least once every 2-3 months. Should I tell her the truth? If I do, how much information should I give her? I’m hesitating for two reasons; 1. I know this has the potential to cause drama for me if my uncle finds out I was the one who told her the truth and I don’t really trust my cousin to keep that information to herself and 2. His older children have made it very clear to us over the years that they want no contact with their dad or his other kids. So, I'm concerned this would open up a whole can of worms that they don't want. What do I do? TL;DR – My cousin keeps asking me if her dad was married previously. He was but he treated his first wife awfully and eventually abandoned his two children with her. I don’t know if I should be the person to tell her the truth. submitted by /u/ThrowRAmarriedbefore [link] [comments]
- Stress from work and social interactions put women at higher coronary heart disease riskon April 9, 2021 at 4:47 pm
Psychosocial stress - typically resulting from difficulty coping with challenging environments - may work synergistically to put women at significantly higher risk of developing coronary heart disease, according to a new study.
- Sign-language exposure impacts infants as young as 5 months oldon April 8, 2021 at 7:22 pm
While it isn't surprising that infants and children love to look at people's movements and faces, recent research studies exactly where they look when they see someone using sign language. The research uses eye-tracking technology that offers a non-invasive and powerful tool to study cognition and language learning in pre-verbal infants.
- Newly discovered node in brain could expand understanding of dysfunctional social behavioron March 31, 2021 at 6:31 pm
A group of scientists have discovered a node in the brains of male mice that modulates the sounds they make in social situations. This discovery could help identify similar locations in the human brain, and potentially lead to a better understanding of social disorders.
- Does selfishness evolve? Ask a cannibalon March 25, 2021 at 3:52 pm
Biologists have used one of nature's most prolific cannibals to show how social structure affects the evolution of selfish behavior. Researchers showed they could drive the evolution of less selfish behavior in Indian meal moths with habitat changes that forced larval caterpillars to interact more often with siblings.
- The role of adult playfulness in romantic lifeon March 17, 2021 at 1:47 pm
While play and playfulness have been studied well in children, their structure and consequences are understudied in adults. A new article highlights available research on this topic and also examines why playfulness is important in romantic relationships.